Have you ever been “ghosted”? I hope not. And I hope you haven’t “ghosted” anyone either. Jesus said of the time before His return that, “The love of many shall grow cold”. (Matthew 24:12) So it’s almost a sign of the times that, in human relationships, “ghosting” has become the new vogue. Here’s a current definition of what “ghosting”:

Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the former partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate.

Does that ring a bell? Maybe your best friend suggested, laughingly, that you just “ghost” your current boyfriend or girlfriend because you were going through a rough patch. Life is tough enough, times are tough enough and the outlook for many is bleak enough that this is just another punch in the ribs to our humanity, our standard of behavior and our love for our friends. This is now the cool thing, “Just ghost ‘em.”

I’ve written before about hardening your heart and keeping your heart. This maybe is another aspect of it all, that, (God help us!) we don’t have to revert to the satanic cruelty of this modern form of breaking up so that the person you once loved or were at least close to you now treat with a cruelty you wouldn’t show to a stranger.

Love is under attack at every turn. Decency, altruism and truth itself are rained down upon with new methods of debaucher and disdain so that we’re persuaded that the loftier things we once held dear just are no longer a part of our makeup. We don’t need the Russians, ISIS, immigrant caravans or anything else to attack us from outside. It’s the inside attacks, the insidious “gas seeping under the door” that actually slays far more than those we think are our enemies.

How many die today, they commit suicide because someone they loved “ghosted” them? Sometimes those we love the most can become our greatest enemies. Jesus said so. But it shouldn’t be. It. Should. Not. Be.

The Bible says “Owe no man anything but to love him for he that loves another has fulfilled the law.” (Romans 13:8) You’re not getting along, don’t have those feelings anymore, want to drop ‘em and move on to someone else? Well, even if you do that, you can still be kind. And you should be.

Do you want to have that person’s suicide haunt you the rest of your life? Or want to have that cruel thing you said and did eat away at your conscious the rest of your life? I have things I said when I was 12 years old to a friend of mine who was not as cool as the others and I, going along with the crowd, said some cruel thing to him. He looked me right in the eyes, with tears, and said, “You too, Mark?” He knew that I knew better. He expected me to not be like the other cruel kids in our class. It’s a horrible feeling to know I did that and I regret it to this day.

But how about just “ghosting” your girlfriend or boyfriend? Or your fiancé or even husband or wife? Aren’t we better than that? Even if you’re not a believer, doesn’t love itself call upon us to be kinder to our fellow human being?

I went through a horrific divorce many years ago, one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. Somehow, through it all, my former wife and I were able to maintain some semblance of communication and measure of respect for the 10 years we spent together and for our 4 children. I tried to never speak against my former wife to my kids. I tried to find slivers and strands of what was left of the relationship and to hold on to those until things could very gradually get better. I’d seen as I grew up, that 30 years before my birth a huge divorce and animosity had had such devastating effects on my relatives that for generations afterwards wounds never healed, over lifetimes.

Don’t be cruel to the ones you love or even to the ones that love you. “Charity suffers long and is kind.” (I Corinthians 13:4) “Love works no ill to his neighbor.” (Romans 13:10) I believe it is just absolutely satanic to turn into the cruelest hatred what was once a love you had for someone. Maybe love has grown cold. Maybe “you’ve lost that loving feeling”. Maybe “you’ve seen them for what they are.” But we still owe everyone love to the degree that we can try to make it easy for the one we are breaking up with.

Hardness of heart can be a form of insanity, one of the worst. It can drive the ones we love to despair and death itself. Don’t do it, any more than you’d do drugs or shoot someone with a gun.

If you are going to break up with someone, try to be kind. Try to not cut them off and stop communicating with them. You’ll be a better person for it, you’ll help the other person to survive the loss of the love that was there and God Himself will bless you for your doing the loving thing.