I was thinking tonight about how God has been really good to me. So much so that I can’t really express it or find the words. Sometimes you can’t equal with your words of thankfulness the measure of the abundant grace that the Lord has bestowed upon you. Words fail you. But the funny thing is for me, in earlier years, before I came to the Lord and salvation, I went through a time of horror and depravity. And back then words failed me to describe my experiences as they do again now, but at the opposite end of the scale

When I was university I was swept up in a near death experience that took place in the realm of darkness, the spiritual world but without Christ and God. Afterwards it was close to impossible to find words to describe that experience and those things. At the time I didn’t really have any idea what was happening to me or why.

I just knew something was exceedingly wrong and that it was my fault. I knew that word back then, “fault”, but I didn’t really know or accept the word “sin”. Then gradually, as I came through and out of it all, I found the vocabulary in the Bible that described the experiences and grapplings I’d had in the realm of darkness.

By the love of God I had been “delivered from the power of darkness and translated into the kingdom of His dear Son” (Colossians 1:13). Still, I could hardly talk about what I’d gone through. Now, decades later, I again have faced an inadequacy to put into words what is in my heart, but on the opposite side of the spectrum. He has blessed me, “above all I could ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20) so that my feeble attempts to thank Him and to appreciate His abundant blessings seem utterly inadequate to do the subject justice.

So I just have to trust the Lord. The Lord knows what He has done. The Lord knows how He has worked in my life. Hopefully He is pleased that I at least realize and know it somewhat and understand it to some degree. How can we be equal to the magnitude of God? We can’t. It reminds me of what I wrote a few years ago about “Thimbles”. I was struck with my inadequacy to respond to the vastness of God, like having a thimble on the beach to measure the ocean before me.

But I try to praise and thank the Lord for what He has done in my life. So many things have happened that I just know are the Lord, His plan and pre-vision and pro-vision. The Lord can make something out of nothing and actually that’s the way He usually works. He has to make you utterly nothing and so that you know it. And then He can begin to put you back together “a better vessel” (Jeremiah 18:1-4).

You may find yourself speechless, trying to find words to thank the Lord with when it all comes so short of describing the magnity of what He’s done in your life. Maybe that’s not where you are at right now. Maybe you are really going through trails and testings and “contradictions of sinners against yourself” (Hebrews 12:3), like what happened to Jesus. But as each of us keep holding on, the Lord can bring us into a fair haven. (Psalm 107:30)  A verse that often speaks to me is how He can “restore the years that the cankerworm has eaten.” (Joel 2:25) Seemingly years of wasted and fruitless existence when you longed to have a purpose and a meaningful life. But He can restore.

We don’t have to be eloquent when it comes to our prayers. Just honest, sincere and real. Our words are us and we are just little people trying to speak to the King of kings and Lord of lords. So we should just speak from our heart, even if it all seems to be so insufficient to express how we feel or how God has dealt with us. “Pour out your heart before Him”, as King David said. (Psalm 62:8)

“We are not sufficient for these things,” (II Corinthians 2:16). Paul knew it was all far beyond him what the Lord was doing in his life and in the lives of others. But he just kept the faith and kept following, even if it got to where it was beyond what he could ask or understand or comprehend.