Monthly Archives: February 2025

Commune with your own heart

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I had a rough night. Woke up at 5 AM and started thinking about current dilemmas I’m in. I was soon wide awake and thinking hard, as well as also praying and looking to the Lord. At length I got up, took a small amount of a sleep aid and went back to bed.

But I was troubled and searching my thoughts and heart for a solution. After a while an idea kind of rose to the surface that I’d not thought of before. I was hoping for something more of a direct revelation that I could be sure was straight from the Lord.

Hours past as I eventually went back to sleep and woke somewhat refreshed. The new idea had come to look like at least a reasonable possibility which I want to try to put into action today.

But the real kicker came later this morning, after my daily devotion time, when I went out for a little prayer. A verse came to mind, “Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still.“ (Psalm 4:4) It wasn’t until I got to the second part of the verse that I realized how closely it matched my experience a few hours earlier. I had been communing with my own heart upon my bed.

That realization astounded me. I guess I had never thought of it that way—that simply searching my heart in the quiet of the night could be a form of hearing from God or at least a space where He could bring ideas to mind. But that’s what had happened. And then, as I was walking outside, the Lord brought that very verse to me—an obscure one, yet perfectly fitting.

Of course there were so many “knock on” effects to this. There’s nothing more encouraging than knowing the Lord has spoken to you, even in a quiet, unexpected way. It’s easy to feel like “it’s all over now,” that your best years are behind you, and there’s nothing left but to be put ‘out to pasture’ by the Lord. But getting something from the Lord helps to dispel thoughts like this.

And then there was more. When I went back inside to add that verse to my memory system, my eyes landed directly on Psalm 4:4—already written on one of my memory cards. I had evidently memorized it some time ago. But today, the Lord led me to look directly on it as I was going through my memory system, bringing it back a second time in such a personal, unmistakable way.

Well, God’s little miracles. I really needed this. Since returning from Uganda three weeks ago, I’ve faced some intense battles in my ministry. I know I’m at a major crossroads, needing to move in new directions, but many things still feel uncertain, and I’ve been wrestling with “the big picture.”

So I just wanted to share with you this little thing I got from the Lord and how “communing with your own heart upon your bed” can be a way sometimes for the Lord to bring things to your mind, answers from Him, even though it can almost seem like “leaning to your own understanding”. (Proverbs 3:5)

Sometimes the Lord can use our good common sense and gifts of the Spirit like wisdom and knowledge, instead of any outstanding revelation, thundering down upon us from heaven. May He continue to bless us all with His presence and whispers. He’s the one who’s way out in front and knows what’s going to happen and is able to lead us and guide us and show us what to do.

“For the Lord your God, He it is that goes before you.“ (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Me and USAID

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I woke up before dawn today, reflecting on my experiences with USAID. I was at the western tip of Indonesia twenty years ago today, in the aftermath of “the Christmas Tsunami”, which claimed the lives of 155,000 people in Banda Aceh, the capital of Aceh province.

At the time, I was an aid worker at a large, makeshift refugee camp north of the city, alongside three friends. We were doing what we could as translators for a group of Korean doctors who had just arrived to assist in the chaotic aftermath of the 9.2 earthquake and subsequent tsunami that struck the Acehnese coast.

I had brought a video camera with me and was capturing footage while I helped at the camp that morning. I later compiled a video of the events, which you can view on YouTube here. I recommend jumping to 15:02 in the video. The next 2 minutes there shows what I experienced with the United States aid agency USAID that day.

Suddenly, there was a flurry of excitement as people pointed to the sky. A large helicopter, with no markings, began circling low over the camp. It then landed about 100 yards away and began unloading boxes. In the video, you can see dozens of Acehnese people, along with a tall Texan friend of mine, rushing toward the helicopter to investigate.

I’ll never forget the overwhelming sense of pride I felt when I realized it was a US Navy helicopter, stationed on an aircraft carrier off the coast, unloading boxes of supplies from USAID. Young men from the camp began collecting the boxes that had been dropped from the helicopter and bringing them back to the main tent. Camp elders later distributed the aid to families of the thousands of survivors who had gathered there in their time of need.

The helicopter had no markings because Aceh province had been embroiled in a violent civil war for years. I assume the US forces wanted to avoid being identified or misunderstood in their motives. However, the aid boxes were clearly marked with “USAID,” making it evident that the US military and government were working to alleviate the suffering of the people.

Later, I learned that US helicopters were continuously ferrying doctors up and down the coast, as nearly every bridge had been destroyed by the tsunami’s three 90-foot waves.

This morning, as I thought about the current controversy surrounding USAID in the United States, those memories came flooding back. There’s a massive shake-up underway in Washington. And while I believe much of it is necessary, I also find it personally relevant, given my own experiences abroad as a Christian aid worker, often in refugee camps and orphanages.

I vividly remember the pride I felt when I saw my country’s military providing crucial aid in the wake of one of the worst natural disasters in the last century. It was a moment that reminded me of what I hope my country stands for: genuine, selfless altruism and “loving our neighbors.”

The Bible is full of calls to this kind of action. And I don’t think I’ll ever forget seeing my country represented in such a profound way, both on the ground and in the air, at the moment when help was needed most.

My belief is that the activities of USAID should not be eliminated in the ongoing government reorganization. Whether on an individual level or a national one, caring for the poor and those affected by disasters should be a fundamental part of our lives. You don’t have to be a Christian to believe in this.

In the Bible, God told Jeremiah to “root out, pull down, destroy, and throw down.” But He also told him to “build and plant.” My hope is that in this new wave sweeping our country—and even the world—we won’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. In our zeal to eliminate the bad, we mustn’t stop loving our neighbors, even sacrificially. Jesus said that the greatest among us are those who serve others.

Make America great again? I’m all for it. As Jesus said, “Whosoever will be great among you shall be your servant.”

(An added afterthought from a few days later)

Perhaps a major factor is that my experiences in Indonesia with the USAID happened 20 years ago during the time George W. Bush was President. In recent times Progressive wokism has evidently permeated the organization and skewered it into something totally different from what it was.