Category Archives: My Past

Suicide

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To me, suicide is a terrible, horrible thing. I’ve had times in my life where that thought came to me but there were just too many reasons not to do it. But it does seem to claim many lives in our times. Despair and hopelessness come upon us in mighty waves and to end our life seems to be the only way out. But what stopped me was to consider the effect it would have on others, particularly my children.

The Bible says, “None of us lives to himself and no man dies to himself.” (Romans 14:7) We all have influence. We are all in one way or the other tied to each other. “If one member suffers, the whole body suffers.” (I Corinthians 12:26) I’ve known people who’ve committed suicide. Some of them were good friends, others were people I knew or heard about. I have friends who had a parent who committed suicide when they were a kid. They didn’t talk about it much but I could tell it had a deep and severe effect on them.

Suicidal thoughts make you feel utterly separated from everyone else. In my view, it’s similar to those who commit murder, only in this case the person you kill is yourself, rather than someone else. But it comes back to utter hopelessness, utter despair and an outlook that life has turned out so bad that there’s no reason left to live at all. But like I said, when I got to that point a few times, it was thinking about my children and the legacy it would leave them that turned me away from doing it.

Also, for those of us who believe in God and in Jesus, we just know better about the realities of life than to be taken over by such horrendously hopeless thoughts. If you know God and if you know His Word, you just know that however bad things look right now, it’s not really the end. No matter how much you blew it, no matter how much people mistreat you or abuse you or hate you, there’s Someone much greater than our present circumstances, no matter how bad they are.

The psalms of David, which are mostly prayers, are some of the most comforting and strengthening passages in the Bible. David certainly knew the utter depths of despair, hopelessness and even dread. He was very human, he said things he shouldn’t have said and did things that he shouldn’t have done. But still through it all the Lord never gave up on David and ended up mightily blessing his life. David said this one time,

My sore ran in the night and did not stop; my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God and was troubled; I complained and my spirit was overwhelmed. You, God, keep my eyes awake. I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times. I called to remembrance my song in the night. I commune with my own heart and my spirit made diligent search.  Will the Lord cast off forever? Will he be favorable no more? Is His mercy completely gone forever? Do His promises fail for evermore? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has He in anger shut up His tender mercies? And I said, “This is my infirmity. But I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. I will remember the works of the Lord, surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will meditate also of all Your work and talk of Your doings.” (Psalm 77:2-12)

King David knew the depths of despair and hopelessness. But what did he do in this prayer? He turned. He turned from a stream of hopelessness and began to say, “But I will remember…”, he actually says that three times in a row. David started to get his mind and train of thought on the faithfulness of God and God’s plan for his life, rather than the incredibly difficult circumstances he was in.

Let me change this around for a moment. I want to talk to you, from me to you. Are you being spoken to by thoughts of suicide? Maybe off and on for a long time? My friend, fight it. Or if you think you’re too weak to fight it, call out to God to deliver you. It’s not too big for Him.

If someone evil broke into your house and tried to carry off your children or even your dog, you’d fight them. Well, it’s worse than that. Someone has broken into the house of your mind and is trying to carry you off to your death.

And maybe you don’t even love yourself anymore but I venture to say others do. Others will miss you terribly. Others will be soul-struck that you are no longer here, that you are no longer part of their lives.

And even if you think you don’t have any friends or family, God Himself has got better ideas and plans for you than that you take your life. Why not give your life to help others? God specializes in using weak things, little things, nothings that He can make something out of. God usually has to make absolutely nothing out of someone before He can use them. Maybe that’s where you are now.

But the devil comes along (and, yes, that’s who it is, the devil) and tries to tell you that it’s too late, you’re washed up and there’s nothing left to do but kill yourself. Jesus said of the devil that he was a murderer from the beginning and he’s trying to get you to commit murder, your own.

DON’T DO IT. Get help. Are you on some medication? A lot of those have side effects that bring on suicidal thoughts. You might need to check that out. Pour out your heart to God. Read the Bible, maybe the Psalms of David and let God’s Word speak to your heart. Fill your mind and heart with positive, encouraging, faith-building thoughts from the Word of God.

If your willpower doesn’t seem to work, try your “won’t power”. If you can’t find a way forward, at least you don’t have to start going backwards. Just slam on the breaks and sit tight in prayer and reading the Word until the storm passes. It will. It did for me. I’ve been through this and I’m mighty glad I didn’t take my life in times of some of my darkest despair.

You are valuable to others and to God. You are loved and needed and you mater. Hold on. It can and will get better and you can go on to the light of a brighter day that will make the present darkness be something you eventually no longer remember. Hold on. You are loved and needed.

Intimacy in Cyberspace ?

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Intimacy. Let’s admit it: we all want that. Physically, yes; but even as much or more that union of heart with heart with another kindred soul. Jesus prayed to His Father, “That they all may be one, as You, Father are in me and I in you.” (John 17:21) Some have it in their families, mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, the special feeling you have with your grandparents.

Intimacy is one of the most desired, sought and even most needed things we have in our lives. And now in our times we have the internet and cyberspace which has made it possible to be in contact basically with nearly anyone anywhere in the world. It’s certainly been a huge thing in my life to where much of my time is based around the material I post on line and communications I have all over the world with people I work with or with ones who’ve viewed or read my material

But am I enjoying intimacy in these settings? Is cyberspace satisfying the deepest desires of my soul and heart? In one sense I can definitely say no. On the other hand, equally I also have to say that some of my interactions with this vast assembly of friends and acquaintances have definitely been very satisfying and encouraging.

Maybe it comes down to what it takes to really satisfy each individual. Some know what real intimacy is like. It can be pinnacle experiences you’ve had in your relationship with God and Christ. It can be those incredible moments of bonding and unity with your mate, where you know you are truly loving that person and are being loved. Even times with your best friend, sharing your heart, being listened to and understood, even that can be a form of intimacy. And of course the interactions we have with our families, when things are going really well, is also a degree of intimacy that can sometimes be sustained over many years.

So how does cyberspace work as being an avenue of intimacy? While it’s been truly fantastic for me personally in being able to reach out across continents to where I’m getting to know folks in places like Rwanda, Dagestan, Nagaland and even remote towns where there are no roads to those places, it still doesn’t beat the real thing.

Real time. Face time. Human to human, right-in-front-of-you where you can see their face, hold their hand, hear their voice. That still is the benchmark of intimacy. We’re not cyborgs. We’re flesh and blood human beings who know the true and full reality when we see it. Cyberspace has been an incredible blessing. But for me it’s not been able to replace the need for traditional reality that humanity has known for millennia.

So, like for probably millions of people, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” In the Lord I certainly have. “You are complete in Him.” (Colossians 2:10) But it’s also true that, “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) Even when Adam had God with him in the Garden in a closeness most of us can’t even imagine, God still knew that Adam needed someone like himself beside him. And it’s still the same today.

While I’m thankful for the mass of friends and acquaintances I’ve come to have through the internet, I have to be honest and say that this other aspect of my life, real-time, face-time traditional reality intimacy with others is still pretty lacking in some respects and I feel it a lot.

I can imagine that very many people have turned to cyberspace to try to satisfy the aching void so many feel of the need for real closeness, even true intimacy. I don’t know if you could compare it to those who turn to alcohol or drugs to relieve their heartache but maybe there’s a comparison. But on the internet, you’re mostly interacting with someone real, an actual individual at the other end of a Facebook chat or your email message. So it’s not like alcohol really in that sense. But it can only go so far.

Does intimacy imply ecstasy? No. Solomon said, “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart, so does the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty council.” (Proverbs 27:9) It’s like what I wrote about in “Jonathan, son of Saul”. Evidently King David and Saul’s son Jonathan had a very deep and strong friendship. But there never was any hint of anything physical about it.

Every person needs real, deep intimacy. That’s what we have with God through Jesus. “There is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.” (I Timothy 2:5) We are restored, we are reconciled to God in Christ. And those things can bring joys and emotions that words sometimes can’t really reach.

And yet…, and yet we who are still here in this world most of the time still need others. We also need human love. Unity, contact, oneness. It says in the Bible, “Now we know in part, but then shall we know, even as we are known.” (I Corinthians 13:12)

It sounds like, in heaven, intimacy will be the coinage of the realm, intimacy with Christ and God but also with an incredible oneness with each other. But here…? Well, thank God for the internet and the good that has come of it. Still, for me at least I yet yearn and long for intimacy in this world and I know that is not really going to come through cyberspace.

It’s going to have to happen in real time, traditional reality. “The greatest of these is love.” (I Corinthians 13:13) God help us to continue in Him and His love. And, if it be His will, love with another human being, even real time intimacy.

Have you ever been “ghosted”?

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Have you ever been “ghosted”? I hope not. And I hope you haven’t “ghosted” anyone either. Jesus said of the time before His return that, “The love of many shall grow cold”. (Matthew 24:12) So it’s almost a sign of the times that, in human relationships, “ghosting” has become the new vogue. Here’s a current definition of what “ghosting”:

Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the former partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate.

Does that ring a bell? Maybe your best friend suggested, laughingly, that you just “ghost” your current boyfriend or girlfriend because you were going through a rough patch. Life is tough enough, times are tough enough and the outlook for many is bleak enough that this is just another punch in the ribs to our humanity, our standard of behavior and our love for our friends. This is now the cool thing, “Just ghost ‘em.”

I’ve written before about hardening your heart and keeping your heart. This maybe is another aspect of it all, that, (God help us!) we don’t have to revert to the satanic cruelty of this modern form of breaking up so that the person you once loved or were at least close to you now treat with a cruelty you wouldn’t show to a stranger.

Love is under attack at every turn. Decency, altruism and truth itself are rained down upon with new methods of debaucher and disdain so that we’re persuaded that the loftier things we once held dear just are no longer a part of our makeup. We don’t need the Russians, ISIS, immigrant caravans or anything else to attack us from outside. It’s the inside attacks, the insidious “gas seeping under the door” that actually slays far more than those we think are our enemies.

How many die today, they commit suicide because someone they loved “ghosted” them? Sometimes those we love the most can become our greatest enemies. Jesus said so. But it shouldn’t be. It. Should. Not. Be.

The Bible says “Owe no man anything but to love him for he that loves another has fulfilled the law.” (Romans 13:8) You’re not getting along, don’t have those feelings anymore, want to drop ‘em and move on to someone else? Well, even if you do that, you can still be kind. And you should be.

Do you want to have that person’s suicide haunt you the rest of your life? Or want to have that cruel thing you said and did eat away at your conscious the rest of your life? I have things I said when I was 12 years old to a friend of mine who was not as cool as the others and I, going along with the crowd, said some cruel thing to him. He looked me right in the eyes, with tears, and said, “You too, Mark?” He knew that I knew better. He expected me to not be like the other cruel kids in our class. It’s a horrible feeling to know I did that and I regret it to this day.

But how about just “ghosting” your girlfriend or boyfriend? Or your fiancé or even husband or wife? Aren’t we better than that? Even if you’re not a believer, doesn’t love itself call upon us to be kinder to our fellow human being?

I went through a horrific divorce many years ago, one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. Somehow, through it all, my former wife and I were able to maintain some semblance of communication and measure of respect for the 10 years we spent together and for our 4 children. I tried to never speak against my former wife to my kids. I tried to find slivers and strands of what was left of the relationship and to hold on to those until things could very gradually get better. I’d seen as I grew up, that 30 years before my birth a huge divorce and animosity had had such devastating effects on my relatives that for generations afterwards wounds never healed, over lifetimes.

Don’t be cruel to the ones you love or even to the ones that love you. “Charity suffers long and is kind.” (I Corinthians 13:4) “Love works no ill to his neighbor.” (Romans 13:10) I believe it is just absolutely satanic to turn into the cruelest hatred what was once a love you had for someone. Maybe love has grown cold. Maybe “you’ve lost that loving feeling”. Maybe “you’ve seen them for what they are.” But we still owe everyone love to the degree that we can try to make it easy for the one we are breaking up with.

Hardness of heart can be a form of insanity, one of the worst. It can drive the ones we love to despair and death itself. Don’t do it, any more than you’d do drugs or shoot someone with a gun.

If you are going to break up with someone, try to be kind. Try to not cut them off and stop communicating with them. You’ll be a better person for it, you’ll help the other person to survive the loss of the love that was there and God Himself will bless you for your doing the loving thing.

Harden not your heart

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King David tells us, “Today, if you will hear His voice, harden not your hearts.”  (Psalm 95:7 & 8) Many people in our times may not even know what that means, to “harden your heart”. Or, if they do, they may think of it as something they should do, instead of not do.

Growing up in Texas (and perhaps it’s the same in any place and any age) it was really not cool to cry. Men don’t cry. It was a sign of weakness, a lack of manhood. But for me, as much as I would try not to, it would still happen from time to time. I won’t go into the details; sometimes it would involve the cruelty of some people. Or sometimes it was personal disappointment with myself. But it disgusted me that I’d still cry from time to time. I wasn’t a Christian and I didn’t believe in God. I was just a normal, worldly young guy and the image you look up to is utter coolness, and actual coldness and hardness.

I saw a movie starring Paul Newman when I was about 20 and it nearly drove me crazy. At the end of the movie the star had hurt and crushed virtually everyone in his family and in his life. The closing scene was of him knocking back the last of a beer with a cold, cruel, emotionless grin on his face. I just couldn’t accept that there was such hardness and lack of emotion and empathy in a person and it had a strong impact on me.

But when I came to the Lord and the light of Christianity, I had a whole new way of looking at things. I found that my weakness ofhaving a somewhat tender heart was not a weakness or a lack of masculinity. In the eyes of God it was a good thing. I found that King David said, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart Thou wilt not despise.” (Psalm 51:17) Brokenness, humility, malleableness, these are things that are of value and are esteemed in the kingdom of God. An obscure but amazing verse in Isaiah says, “Thus says the high and lofty one who inhabits eternity. I dwell in the high and lofty place with him that is of a humble and contrite spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.” (Isaiah 57:15)

How utterly, utterly different that is from the values of the world around us. There the goal is to harden your heart to where nothing and no one matters to you at all. Utter hardness, utter coldness. But in God’s eyes, this is just the fruit and work of a stubborn willful soul, unwilling to be broken in order to have the love and healing balm of His truth and power to flood into us and make of us warm, compassionate people that we should be. It’s also called “resisting the Holy Ghost”. (Acts 7:51) God doesn’t force Himself on us. He entreats, He implores, He asks and He presents. But we have to accept. On the other hand, we don’t have to accept. In fact so many people don’t. They harden their hearts. They resist the Holy Ghost. People do that and have done that all their lives and they are proud of it.

Jesus said, “Whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken. But on whomsoever it fall, it will ground him to powder.” (Matthew 21:44) He was speaking of Himself. We are to fall on Him, to allow ourselves to be broken, to come to the end of ourselves, to even weep in prayer and in crying out to Him to work in our hearts. It really doesn’t sound very modern or cool or manly, does it?

But what happens if we don’t. He says, “On whomsoever it [the Stone] shall fall, it will grind him to powder.” It’s actually the same image as what Daniel saw in interpreting Nebuchadnezzar’s dream in Daniel chapter 2, verses 34 and 35. It’s a picture of a Stone “cut out without hands” crushing all the kingdoms of man and the kingdoms of this world and grinding them to powder.

Its your problem-flattenedThe proud, the haughty, the hardened of heart, the resisters of the Holy Spirit, resisters of love and of truth, resisters of mercy and compassion, will ultimately suffer an awful fate of seeing their hardened hearts be nothing but ashes. Then the verse will be fulfilled, “The meek shall inherit the earth and delight themselves in the abundance of peace.” (Psalm 37:14)

Do you have a tender heart? Does hardened, hateful cruelty and coldness sicken you? That’s a good sign, no matter who or what tells you otherwise.

“Cast your bread upon the waters…”

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Thank God for something new. We all need to get fresh things from the Lord, to hear from Him “new every morning”. Otherwise it can end up that we feel like we’re following afar off and we can begin to wonder if He still is near to us in our lives, as we know He should be.

This morning I was out for my morning prayer walk on what’s been a rather bleak, gray and cold early winter day. And while I was pouring out my heart to the Lord about the day before me, I ended up praying a prayer I’d never prayed before. It kind of surprised me but then I checked my heart and did feel that it was something bubbling up from the Holy Spirit within me, rather than some vain thought.

It surprised me when I was praying and I prayed to the Lord, “Cast your bread upon the waters for you shall find it after many days.” (Ecclesiastes 11:1). I never in my life thought of that verse as a prayer. I’ve always thought of it as an injunction to us, an admonition from God to His people to give and share liberally and that one day that liberality will come back to us.

But this morning the Holy Spirit turned it into a prayer from me to God, “Cast your bread upon the waters…”. And I guess that can fit too. We can ask the Lord to cast His bread upon the waters. The waters are us, the peoples of this world who all desperately need the bread of God in all the many forms, fashions and ways that God in heaven sends it. Jesus said “He sends the rain on the just and the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45) He feeds the birds, Jesus said, and of course the point was that He will feed us as well.

But then also He said, “Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.” .(Matthew 4:4) For those of us who know the Lord, we really should be hearing from Him, even every day. We need to be those who “hunger and thirst after righteousness” because, Jesus said, “they shall be filled.” (Matthew 5:45) Yes, first of all that should be in our times spent in His written Word, the Bible. That’s our first and foremost place to connect with the Lord, through what He’s already said and which has been written down for us.

But to keep our contact and relationship alive with the Lord, to have a fresh experience with Him, we really do need to have times where He’s expressing Himself to us through the Spirit, moving in our lives, doing miracles, even little ones, and in whatever way manifesting Himself to us.

He wants that. He wants that kind of close, thrilling, life-changing relationship with each of us every day. It doesn’t have to be in church, it certainly doesn’t have to be in some ritual or ceremony, and it most likely will not be in some political activity. But God wants us to, right now and every day, have a vibrant and alive relationship with Him. No, it won’t be some constant near ecstatic sensation where you’re just on the edge of your seat throughout every day. But there should be times where there’s that something that can only be explained by the fact that the Lord sprinkled a little heaven on you right then.

In fact, we’re already in heaven, the Bible says, as strange as that may seem. Ephesians 2:7 says “We are set down in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.” We already have a foretaste of heaven to come; He’s already feeding us with the spiritual manna from heaven if we keep coming to Him for it.

So that ended up looking like a new prayer the Lord gave me today, that He would cast His bread upon the waters. It reminds me of another little thing I got from the Lord some months back on another morning prayer walk when the Lord brought to my attention a bright red cardinal in our back yard and I wrote, “Cardinals in the Winter” about that.

Well, praise God. Thank God for prayer. Sometimes we don’t know what to pray and then, the Bible says, “We know not what we should pray for as we should but the Holy Spirit makes intercession through us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” (Romans 8:26) It’s just good for us to really pour out our hearts before the Lord. And then it’s maybe even better when the Lord punches through our often dull spirits to speak to us and give us something fresh from Him. We all need this. I sure needed to hear fresh from Him this morning. God bless you and God help us all to have and keep a living daily relationship in prayer with the Lord.

Our lives are hid with Christ in God

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Why did that happen! Why didn’t God answer prayer? Ever get hit with those thoughts? I’ll admit that I do sometimes and I think most people do. Things didn’t work out. It doesn’t seem right or fair. But this is where, for the people of faith, we just have to make a real decision to turn away from this line of reasoning or it can really turn for the worse.

I’ve had a wonderful life. I’m just now completing the third extended trip outside my home country in the last two years. There have been real miracles on these trips, not the least of which is just the Lord’s protection through so many flights, so many countries, so much that is out of the ordinary for me. You’d think I’d be satisfied, no? Well, I am in a sense. It’s been incredible and I still have a couple of dozen video recordings in 10 languages to mix down for placing on YouTube that have been done on these trips.

However, as Solomon said, “the eyes of man are never satisfied” (Prov 27:20). And I’ll be honest with you; sometimes I don’t feel I really know the full mind of the Lord on some things. I’ll try to give you an example here. On this present trip, I’ve at least twice seen the absolute miracle working power of God to provide just the perfect person to do recordings for me in these foreign languages. Once in China and again in the Middle East, I couldn’t have asked for anything better than the two young men that the Lord raised up on this trip. Even they knew it was a miracle of God that they were working on these recordings.

But, you know what sprang up in my heart? “Well, Lord, if you could do such miracles as that, why can’t or don’t you do this with some of the things I’ve been praying about and holding on about for years?” OK, I didn’t say that but I did think it and I’ll admit it here. But this is where a life soaked in the will and Word of God doesn’t let us allow that thought to take root in our hearts. There are so many examples of things happening in the lives of the people of God which just didn’t seem right at the time and over and over the Lord had to admonish His people to hold on to Him, rather than “lean to their own understanding”. (Proverbs 3:5)

A verse that’s helped me when things like this come up is “our lives are hid with Christ in God”. (Colosians 3:3) The Lord is the Author and Finisher of our faith. We’re the book that’s being written, He’s the Author. Just like in good book, you don’t know what will happen next. You may not understand the plot or many of the whys and wherefores of it all as you turn the pages.

It reminds me of another verse that the Lord had me memorize at the beginning of my Christian experience, what Jesus said to Peter, “What I do you know not now, but you shall know hereafter.” (John 13:7) Peter didn’t understand why the Lord was washing his feet and he virtually protested. But the Lord told Peter that he would understand it all later.

And in some things, we just have to take that as our best option, our best thought when some things happen. Our lives are hid with Christ in God. Even if things don’t look right, even if it doesn’t seem fair, even if it looks like God is not keeping His word, you just can’t go down that line of thought. Because it is so often a first step toward outright doubting God’s will and plan in your life. And in no time at all, Satan will be agreeing with you and suggesting many more things that seem to supplement that direction your mind is going.

King David said, “Lord, my heart is not haughty or my eyes lofty, neither do I exercise myself in great things or in maters too high for me.” (Psalm 131:1) Moses said in Deuteronomy, “The secret things belong unto the Lord your God.” (Deut. 29:29)

I don’t know why some things have happened. Or haven’t happened. But often I just have to come to the conclusion that it’s something I have to wrap up in a bundle of faith and leave on the shelf until such time as the Lord sees fit to either answer my prayers or to further enlighten me as to why that was not His highest and best, or even my highest and best.

This I think is the life of the sheep of God. Unlike the wolves, foxes, snakes and pigs, sheep need a shepherd. And the sheep, if they’re smart, will trust their shepherd that he’s smarter than them and is leading them to the best. This kind of thought doesn’t go over well with the highly educated and greatly intellectual. But it’s actually the deep wisdom of God to trust Him, even when we really don’t understand some things. Because our lives really are hid with Christ in God. Some things we just won’t really understand until we see the Lord on the other side and He’s able to clarify what wasn’t clear for us here.

Elections in Sweden

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There will be elections here in Sweden in a few days. Much of the nation is caught up with it as seemingly fundamental changes are in motion here, as they are across Europe and in the USA as well. Answers and explanations that were taken as givens for generations in Sweden, and in other countries in Europe, are now being seen to no longer be sufficient for these times. Political parties that dominated the landscape for decades are crumbling or in disarray and new movements and forces seem to have better answers and explanations for the challenges that have arisen in recent times.

And of course, if you’re reading this in the States, this can all sound familiar. For the last 100 years in America, the only two political choices have been “Democrats” and “Republicans”. But what do those words mean now? And the same kinds of questions without answers are on the minds of people here in Sweden and in Europe. “Left”? “Right”? “Neo-Nazi”? “Feminist”? “Social Democrat”? “Conservative”? “Liberal”? For very many, those words are much more fudged and hazy than they’ve almost ever been before.

Bob Dylan once sang, “You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.” But I think that, in these times, many folks would be more than glad to find a competent and prescient “weatherman”, someone to make sense of these times, to rise above the petty and false in order to bring order out of chaos and wise explanations that ring true and break things down to simple clarity.

I’m personally trying to find clarity, through prayer and God’s Word, but also from competent, objective commentators in media sources worldwide. But it does look strongly like a storm is upon many nations , “the sea and the waves roaring and men’s hearts failing them for fear of those things which shall come to pass.” (Luke 21:25 & 26)

Confusion mixed with fear is a horrible thing. Of course those here in Sweden, as well as those in most of the rest of Europe and in North America, know virtually nothing of fear and confusion compared to the ones I met on the Turkish-Syrian border now almost 4 years ago, in Reyhanli. Friends I spoke to there had had barrel bombs dropped on their house and so had fled their country, as have millions of Syrians in these last years. We, the blessed in the West, have known no war in our lands since before I was born after World War II.

But still, there is much confusion in these times, and fear. The United States is now said to be more divided politically than at any time since the Civil War that took place between 1860 and 1865. I’ve sat in adult Sunday school classes in Texas where the discussion was on ways to openly, militarily defy and oppose in armed combat the United States government. There’s an underlying tension that has become the order of the day in America now. No one really knows where things will go and how things will develop between the increasingly strident extremes of Left and Right, Progressive and Conservative.

For me, the greatest call of allegiance in my heart is to Jesus Christ and His coming Kingdom on earth. That’s my sheet anchor of truth, morals, ethics and priorities. And some would say then that of course that means that you must fully put yourself down on the side of Right wing American political forces. You must be at the forefront of the cultural battle that rages and even be willing to “take up arms to take back our nation.”

But I’m not. Right wing American politics is just as laden with sin as is the Left. Different sins, certainly; but the quantity is about equal. So I don’t believe political activity is what Jesus Christ is leading me to do. Sometimes the very best any of us can do is just to “be still and know that I am God”, as the Lord told David in Psalm 46:10. If we do enter into unprecedented times, if some kind of social upheaval takes place in American or even other countries in the next months or years, my personal opinion is that the best thing I can do is to “dwell in the secret place of the most high” and “abide under the shadow of the almighty”. (Psalm 91:1) If a state of siege or martial law sweeps these lands, more than ever people will need friends to show them that there’s a greater stability and verifiable truth in the eternal God of Abraham and in His risen Son, Jesus of Nazareth. “Where sin abounds, grace does much more abound.” (Romans 5:20)  “God is not the author of confusion but of peace.” (I Corinthians 14:33)

These are confusing, troubling, changing times and so much that seemed to be foundational is now found to be shaking or already destroyed. All the more then should each person cling to the greater truths of the Bible that says, “When my spirit is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is greater than I.” (Psalm 61:2) “God is our refugee and strength, a very present help in the time of trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed and the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea.” (Psalm 46:1 & 2)

Impressions of Uganda

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I’m in my last couple of days in Uganda before moving on to the next place on my current trip. I’m leaving with a lot to think about and a lot to “digest”. I didn’t know the Ugandans were as spiritually hungry as they are. Actually, a number of my preconceived ideas turned out to be inaccurate.

Maybe it’s like the story of the poor man on the road to Jericho that Jesus talked about and how the Good Samaritan stopped to help him. For those of us who’ve dedicated our lives to the Lord, we of all people are compelled to help those in need. But in this case, rather surprisingly, the biggest need I’ve seen is for those who can labor to fill the immense spiritual vacuum that exists here.

My first week in Uganda I spoke to a Sunday fellowship held by my friends, to show one of the videos I’ve done on chapters in the book of Daniel and then to answer questions afterwards. It was the questions afterwards from ones here that surprised me the most. They were deep, knowledgeable, sincere and with a tinge of desperation and searching in the way they were asked. I really don’t find that so very often in my travels.

Here is a picture of me and Hassan. He was at the fellowship in Kampala where I shared my video on the book of Daniel, chapter 7 and then answered questions about the future according to the Bible’s view.

Hassan comes from an Islamic background but received Jesus about 2 years ago. He came up to me after the class with some very deep questions about salvation, is it eternal, can we lose it and what about people who’ve never heard about the Lord. His dad is Ugandan, his mother from the Congo and he came here, fleeing violent civil unrest in the Congo, a very large country to the west of Uganda. We had quite a talk which is not unusual here as so many have deep and sincere questions concerning Bible truths.

And from what I have heard from friends, this really is how it is in this country: a pervading hunger for spiritual training, particularly in the ways of the Lord and in the Word of the Lord. But you might wonder, “Yes, Mark, but how was the country? Did you see a lot of starvation, people dying of AIDS, child soldiers and overall depravation? Did you see lions, elephants and gorillas?” The answer would be no to all of those.

Well I did see monkeys when my friends and I one day visited the source of the Nile River near Jinja, to the east of Kampala. I’ll share a picture from that, right at the point where Lake Victoria pours in to the beginning of the Nile which then flows 4,250 miles to the Mediterranean Sea. I’m standing on a tiny island where that sign is. To the right is Lake Victoria and to the left is the beginning of the Nile River.

Uganda may have a reputation left over from over 30 years ago of a nation racked by AIDS. That’s now the distant past. It’s actually doing pretty good within the context of central and east Africa and I did notice the stability and economic growth that is going on. But also I noticed the tranquility of the people. In being here two weeks, I can’t remember one moment when I saw anyone anywhere fighting or even arguing with each other. I certainly cannot say that of a number of countries I’ve been in in the past but I won’t mention names here.

A little like how it was when I was in Northern Ireland last year, there is a very strong element of Christianity in Uganda that has soaked into the fiber of the country and knowing and loving the Lord is close to the norm. I don’t know if it would be right to say it’s a missionary’s paradise. But I’ve been thinking how, if there is anyone reading this post who’s looking to the Lord about a place of Christian service on the mission field, I can certainly “send back a good report” from Uganda. If you’re into really getting deep and real with people through the Spirit of God, this may be what you’re looking for.

And I met an exceptionally inspired group of young people here who not only come from my hometown, Austin, Texas, but one of them goes to the church I go to. And her mom is in the Sunday school class I go to. Funny things do happen when you are serving the Lord, no? The group of 6, all in their late teens to early 20’s, have been going all over Uganda, speaking to rallys and large groups of Christian youth, calling out their generation to take up the call of discipleship and greater Christian commitment.

I‘m leaving Uganda with a couple of major projects started in the way of books and DVDs and I look forward to keeping in contact with my friends here and the work they are doing.

 

When He saw the multitude, He was moved with compassion

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It’s 6 AM at the Dubai airport and I’m among several thousand people, waiting to board their flights to the Middle East and Africa. Almost no one “looks like me”. That can be disturbing if I let it but I pretty much got over those kinds of emotions long ago. Instead, I’m struck by the vast range of humanity before me, Yemenis, Tajiks, Somalis and so much more. I wish I could get into a deep conversation with every one of them, get to know them, their lives, their hopes, their fears, their needs and their faith.

And the thought came to me of how it may have been for Jesus when He was before a vast multitude. Such a moving, significant verse from Matthew says this. “When He saw the multitude, He was moved with compassion upon them, because they fainted and were scattered abroad as sheep having no shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36) Jesus didn’t feel intimidated by, or alien to, the multitude, even those of distant nations and cultures. So true to His nature, He loved them; He was moved with compassion.

I’m so thankful that somehow the Lord has put in my heart a love for people, even people who are “different” from me. The heart of man is the same the world over and what everbody needs is love. On this present trip I’ve been two weeks in China and now two weeks in Lebanon and it’s been a wonderful time. It’s been taxing physically, especially with some of these overnight flights. But it’s been tremendously rewarding and encouraging to see how much the Lord has been answering prayer and doing basically miracles to bless my activities in these times.

Twice on this trip I’ve seen the Lord raise up out of nowhere exactly the right person to work with me on these recordings I’m doing in foreign languages of the Prophecies of Daniel videos. First in China and then in Lebanon the Lord brought me in contact with men I never met before who were so perfectly what was needed to be the Chinese and Arabic voices for the videos. Men who not only spoke their native language but also were equally proficient in English and who had a real heart to go the extra mile and do all they could to work with me on the recordings. I don’t take this kind of thing for granted at all. It was the hand of God bringing me in contact with these ones. And again it goes back to the love of God, His love and desire to have us “feed His sheep”.

So often it’s true what the Word says, “My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge”. (Hosea 4:6) They just don’t know. “How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not heard and how they shall hear without a preacher?” (Romans 10:14) I’ve had times where I have been in a crowd like this and I had a stack of gospel tracts. So I’d go about passing out those, at times by the thousand. I wrote about one experience like that that happened a few years ago on the Macedonian/Serbian border. Or when I was in a refugee camp in Berlin not so long ago.

In more recent times, the Lord has made a way for me to reach multitudes by posting my videos on YouTube and Facebook and I’ve had some extremely encouraging responses from some obscure places from people who’ve been able to view the classes on the book of Daniel.

But it’s easy to think, “What can any of us possibly do when the world is so big, there are billions of people and we’re just tiny little insignificant individuals?” It is a daunting thought and it can be discouraging if we let it get a hold of us. But it’s just not a thought from the Lord. We are called to do what we can. And actually we can do a lot if we let the Lord lead us and guide us.

Like the verse says, “the love of Christ constrains us” (II Corinthians 5:14) , that’s how it should be. We should be moved with compassion like Jesus was and is. Sadly, when confronted by the peoples of the world, many Christians are not moved with compassion. They are moved with nationalism or racism which results in various forms of hatred. It so greaves me when I hear words of hatred from fellow Christians when foreign nations and peoples are mentioned. It’s so contrary to the love of God that Jesus showed and that lived so strongly in the early Church.

Well, my flight is leaving soon. I’m off to a country I’ve never been to before, with people who don’t look like me. But there’s a tremendous spiritual vacuum there, a spiritual hunger for the things of the Lord and the Lord wants me to go there and to be an instrument of His peace.

It’s a wonderful life. It’s a little tough on the flesh at times but it’s extremely rewarding in the things of the heart.

Seeing China

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I’ve been in China, my first time in this part of the world. Of course there’s a lot to see but then also I didn’t really come here to see the tourist sites. For people of faith, there’s just an extra dimension or two when traveling and often I end up getting so much more out of deep interaction with the people of a country I’ve never been in, rather than looking at the buildings.

That’s how it’s been here. I’ve met some really interesting people, ones who share my faith and that’s made it easier to talk about more than politics, money or the things that so often clutter our conversations.

But of course this is a very interesting place, there’s no denying that. I don’t know if China is taking over the world but certainly they’ve done some incredible things in the last decades in places like Africa, doing huge, monumental infrastructure projects in African countries to build roads and railroad lines where, in some places, there was very little before. China is a nation of nearly 1.4 billion people and this city of Beijing is about 22 million.

Like I was writing to some friends back in the States, the heart of man is pretty much the same the world over. People have hopes, fears, dreams, ambitions and, yes, sins that are often the same from one part of the world to the other. The food may be different, here at least the language is really different from what I’ve known before and the historic background of the nation is certainly different. But I’ve met people here who I’ve talked with for hours, people who’ve helped me in the things I came here to do, folks who share the same vision and goals as me and with whom I could talk deeply about the things of the Lord.

Maybe I’m just different but to me that’s more satisfying than seeing some famous site or going shopping. It’s like the Bible verses that say, “While we look not at the things which are seen, but the things that are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporal but the things that are not seen are eternal”. (II Corinthians 4:18) For me, to have that connection with someone who’s background is so different from mine but still there’s that meaningful bond that’s possible between the people of faith around the world is just a priceless blessing. And I’ve certainly experienced that here.

But also I could tell you a little of what I’ve seen while I’ve been in China. Although it’s totally different, it’s also a little like parts of eastern Europe. It’s still easy to see structures that were built during the many decades that a strong Communist system was in full control here. There’s an architecture associated with this and I’ve seen it here the same way I’ve seen it in Russia, Poland, Bulgaria and other places. And in contrast, there are really plush shopping malls now everywhere here, again the same as can be seen across the former Communist countries of Europe.

There’s evidently very little crime in the part of Beijing where I am. My friends tell me there just isn’t much in the way of break-ins or robbery. I first used Uber about a month ago in the States and that’s very prevalent here, but a different company. There are very large building projects going up everywhere, very wide streets and boulevards, a new airport, lots of electric vehicles, and huge projects to build high rise apartments which are what most folks live in, like in Moscow. One impression I’ve come away with: they really like to do things big here and they are pretty good at it too.

And, all in all, the atmosphere is far less tense than I thought it might be. Also, although there is a strong police side to things, there’s also a lot of freedom. Which reminds me of something I wanted to tell you about when I thought of writing this.

When I was 24 years old, living in London, I had a very strong dream about China which woke me up and has stuck with me over the years.

In the dream I was in some kind of tropical place, working through the undergrowth. But then I came out to a clearing and before me was China; Canton, China in fact. It seemed like it was spring and there were these happy, lighthearted Chinese young people coming down this hill towards me. They seemed to be people of faith and there was a palatable spirit of joy and freedom that they carried.

It all shocked me so much that I woke up. At that time it was still very much the strictest of Communist times here and the spirit in this part of the world was not at all like I’d been seeing in my dream. So I wondered, “Does this mean I will be going to China?” “Where is Canton?” I found out it’s just across from Hong Kong and I was in Hong Kong for a week on this trip, just before coming to Beijing.

But most of all I wondered, “Could it really be like that in the future in China, that there would be an airy freedom with young people of faith enjoying their liberty in the Lord?” Back when I had that dream, it really seemed an impossibility. But, strangely but truly, I’m in China, I flew over Canton and “Today is the tomorrow you dreamed of yesterday”.

Certainly in the spirit there is more freedom here than there was in the past and there is a rapidly growing number of believers in God in this part of the world who have a strong desire for the deep things of the Lord. I’m most richly blessed to be here and my time here has gone well.